Sat, 06/13/2015 Bangalore, India
Gurudev, you always say that joy is in the present moment. But there are some events of the past that hold me back from being totally in the present moment. Despite wanting to, many times I am not able to be totally in the present. What should I do?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
See, if you try to walk ahead keeping you head turned back, how will that be possible? Just wake up and see, whatever has happened has happened, it’s finished. Life is new every moment.
Just focus on life right now, this very moment. Drop this questioning, “Oh, why did this happen this way? Why did it not happen that way?”
There is nothing to gain by thinking about the past over and over again. Let it go!
Just focus on life right now, this very moment. Drop this questioning, “Oh, why did this happen this way? Why did it not happen that way?”
There is nothing to gain by thinking about the past over and over again. Let it go!
Gurudev, till what extent should one compromise; especially when it has to be with my wife? What if my wife does not listen or understanding?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
See, I have no experience in these matters (laughter). How do I tell you this? I would say, you should listen to her and agree, for she is the boss at home! She is literally like the Prime Minister at home. What can you do? You need to find out some way to talk to her and make her understand. If you do not know, then consult and learn some new ways from others.
There is a small story about this. There was once a gentleman whose wife would do the exact opposite of everything that he said. Suppose if the man said, “I do not wish to have any gravy dish for dinner”, the wife would cook only gravy dishes for dinner.
If he would say, “I do not wish to wear a blue shirt to office today”, she would only iron a blue shirt for him to wear, and she would put all the other shirts for washing. So this is how it used to happen. If the gentleman did not wish to eat out one day, that very day she would insist on eating out and have her way. In this way, everything used to happen against his wishes. The gentleman became very dejected because of all this.
Do you know that in India there is a club called the Battered Husbands Club? Have you all heard about it? Sometime back when I had written a short article on Women’s Rights, I got a letter from the members of this club. In the letter, they wrote saying, “Oh Gurudev! Why are you being so partial to women? Please have some consideration towards us men as well! We have formed a Battered Husbands Club also for this reason”.
Perhaps this gentleman was also a member of this club. He must have been quite troubled, and when someone is so troubled from within, they naturally become restless and sometimes go for walks by themselves. One day as this gentleman was walking on the road, he met a sage by chance. The sage asked him, “My dear, what is the matter?” He replied, “O Sage! How would you know what condition I am in? You are always happy and in bliss”. The gentleman then narrated his story to the sage. After hearing the story, the sage whispered a mantra in the gentleman’s ear. The sage said, “Now you just try this and see what happens”.
If he would say, “I do not wish to wear a blue shirt to office today”, she would only iron a blue shirt for him to wear, and she would put all the other shirts for washing. So this is how it used to happen. If the gentleman did not wish to eat out one day, that very day she would insist on eating out and have her way. In this way, everything used to happen against his wishes. The gentleman became very dejected because of all this.
Do you know that in India there is a club called the Battered Husbands Club? Have you all heard about it? Sometime back when I had written a short article on Women’s Rights, I got a letter from the members of this club. In the letter, they wrote saying, “Oh Gurudev! Why are you being so partial to women? Please have some consideration towards us men as well! We have formed a Battered Husbands Club also for this reason”.
Perhaps this gentleman was also a member of this club. He must have been quite troubled, and when someone is so troubled from within, they naturally become restless and sometimes go for walks by themselves. One day as this gentleman was walking on the road, he met a sage by chance. The sage asked him, “My dear, what is the matter?” He replied, “O Sage! How would you know what condition I am in? You are always happy and in bliss”. The gentleman then narrated his story to the sage. After hearing the story, the sage whispered a mantra in the gentleman’s ear. The sage said, “Now you just try this and see what happens”.
So the man went back and did as he was told. Six months later, he met the sage once again. This time, the gentleman was happy and cheerful. He told the sage, “O Sage! Your mantra really worked”. At this time, there was another man standing nearby who happened to overhear this conversation. So he also approached them and asked, “Please tell me what was the mantra you used”.
The wise sage then said, “Dear one, in a situation like this, always say the exact opposite of what your heart wants. Do not speak out what you want, and do not want what you speak out”. Since the time the gentleman was advised this, he followed this every day. The day he did not want to have a gravy dish, he would insist the exact opposite and ask for a gravy dish to be prepared. When he wanted to wear a blue shirt to work, he would actually tell his wife that he did not want to wear a blue shirt. So in this way, he was able to handle the situation by tapping into the root cause of the problem. This is real skilfulness. Yoga brings out this skilfulness in you. It makes you so skilful in communication.
The wise sage then said, “Dear one, in a situation like this, always say the exact opposite of what your heart wants. Do not speak out what you want, and do not want what you speak out”. Since the time the gentleman was advised this, he followed this every day. The day he did not want to have a gravy dish, he would insist the exact opposite and ask for a gravy dish to be prepared. When he wanted to wear a blue shirt to work, he would actually tell his wife that he did not want to wear a blue shirt. So in this way, he was able to handle the situation by tapping into the root cause of the problem. This is real skilfulness. Yoga brings out this skilfulness in you. It makes you so skilful in communication.
If we are able to learn even this much, so many problems will get solved. Often we hear people complaining, “Oh, no one understands me”. I tell you, the real problem is that you have not learnt to express yourself properly. You have not been able to make others understand. This is the essence.
I am not able to do my sadhana properly because of my job, but I really want to do it more regularly. What can I do?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Alright, I want to ask you a question. When you have to go for work, do you ever leave without brushing your teeth? Even if you have a lot of work to do, do you leave without brushing your teeth? I also had a lot of work to attend to today. I was meeting thousands of people today since morning. But do you give up drinking water because of so much work? Suppose today you know you have a lot of work in the office. Do you simply get out of bed, change into your shirt and trousers and run off to work? Do you go to the restroom or not before leaving? If you do not brush your teeth one day, no one will be able to sit near you. So it is necessary to brush your teeth every day. This is dental hygiene. In the same way, doing pranayama and meditation every day is mental hygiene.
To free the mind of all stress and to go to work with a cheerful and happy mind, you need to invest a few minutes every day for this as well. Take some time out for this. Once it comes into your routine, then it becomes a part of your day and it does not disturb your schedule anymore. No matter how urgent things may be, just have this firm determination that I will sit for 10 minutes and leave only after completing my pranayama and meditation. Once you discipline yourself this way, then that’s all that is needed. Even if you do it just once in the day, that is good enough. And if by chance you miss it one day, it is alright; do not worry too much and do it the very next day. But I am not willing to agree that one does not get time to do this.
To free the mind of all stress and to go to work with a cheerful and happy mind, you need to invest a few minutes every day for this as well. Take some time out for this. Once it comes into your routine, then it becomes a part of your day and it does not disturb your schedule anymore. No matter how urgent things may be, just have this firm determination that I will sit for 10 minutes and leave only after completing my pranayama and meditation. Once you discipline yourself this way, then that’s all that is needed. Even if you do it just once in the day, that is good enough. And if by chance you miss it one day, it is alright; do not worry too much and do it the very next day. But I am not willing to agree that one does not get time to do this.
See, everyone has only 24 hours at their disposal. One who works in a job too has only 24 hours, and even the Prime Minister has only 24 hours for himself. Both of them feel that there isn’t enough time. How much we are able to do and achieve in the time we have is a measure of our skilfulness.
Should we exercise first and then meditate or vice-versa? Please guide.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
It is good to meditate after finishing your exercises. Even if you meditate immediately after getting up in the morning and then do your exercises, that is also fine. Both are alright. You do both and see which approach suits you more. It is good to meditate during the Brahma-muhurtam (the period between 3 AM – 5 AM), but you need not deliberately sacrifice your sleep to get up at that hour to meditate.
Gurudev, how can one get out of the past sex impressions?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Your trying to get out of it makes it more difficult (deepens the tendency or the impression). What you need to do is practice more pranayama and relax. Then you will see that gradually on your own, you will overcome it and these thoughts will not disturb you anymore. They will not come at all.
If love is unconditional then why do we keep expecting something or the other from loved ones?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Well, expectations are also natural. When they do come up, you should simply be aware that by expecting you are only reducing the joy. When you grow in wisdom, you will see that all these impressions will drop off and give way to something much bigger and beautiful that you truly are.
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